lederr

yellow tennis ball…

In Animal Rescue, Life with dogs, Mindfulness, Pets on Monday, 10 June 2013 at 08:18

this is difficult for my skeptic mind to process, but i can’t really think of another explanation…

as i write this, i am simply dumbfounded.  i had been reading a lot about dog reincarnation, the various ways they might try and communicate to their people and reading if there is any merit  to dog reincarnation at all.  i kept reading that there would be a sign, a gut instinct, some kind of ‘pull’ you get, but most people also had some definitive sign, something that made them sure.  while, as i wrote before in my story of baloo and jude, there are so many signs that make me think jude is baloo.  i think one of the biggest for me was when i said baloo’s name in that funny and distinct way that he knew and would always respond to while all the puppies were sleeping and jude jumped up and then fell right back asleep while the others slept the whole time.  being that puppies at that age (4 days) cannot see or hear, i thought that was my most obvious sign and maybe the most obvious one i would get. but, i also knew that all the signs that made me feel as if jude and baloo were connected somehow (if not one in the same) were made by my interpretations.  some of the stories i read from others who believed in dog reincarnation and, in fact, had experienced this spoke of very distinctive signs.  but… baloo was never one for grand gestures.  still, all day yesterday after my research on dog reincarnation, i started wondering if i was wishing and hoping so much that i might be making more of it than it really was.  i also wished and wished for a sign.  a real sign.  something that would tell me that jude is THE ONE.  but…i was happy enough with my thinking this whole adventure had baloo’s hand (paw) in it and that if i believed it to be, no matter what, this experience was starting to heal a bit of my heart by just feeling him again.  i was just so grateful to have another chance, be it baloo or not, but another chance to ‘do it over’ and give jude all the love i gave baloo, but the beauty to be able to ‘know him’ from day one and have him never leave my side.

well, as i said, i am completely gobsmacked right now.  i came downstairs as i do every morning to bring martha her extra special breakfast (along with her extra special lunch and dinner and a bowl that is always full.  she needs to put on weight and i am sure trying to help her!), jude was lying on the spot i sit on whenever i am with the pups.  it’s a bunch of pillows right next to the baby pool.  “okay,” i thought, “that is interesting that she had him with her on the pillows, but maybe he needed some extra food or something.”  it was an odd coincidence to me, but since there have been so many of those, i didn’t make a huge deal out of it.  i kind of took it as a sign that maybe she was saying, “here’s YOUR baby” or just that it was what it was, jude was waiting for his other mama  so, i put him back, checked on everyone, gave martha her breakfast, and started to change the blankets in the pool.  i was just sitting down in my spot to get on the computer to post some “day 10” photos and there was a lump in the middle of the baby pool.  maybe i didn’t spread some of the blankets flat down.  i pressed on it and it was hard.  i had to pick the pool up to get to it.  not an easy thing to do when there are nine puppies sleeping in it!  as i write this part, i really don’t believe it myself, truly.  there are things i believe, but this was too much.  especially for me, the self-proclaimed skeptic who finds much to agree with in the writings of descartes and hume and their philosophical theory of skepticism.  although, none of us should live a life of radical skepticism…we’d go crazy.  check out pragmatism and dewey.  but, I digress.

under the pool, right in the middle, was a yellow tennis ball.  first, let me say that when baloo passed i got rid of all his balls.  no one else liked to fetch or even play with them and they reminded me of him.  funny thing is, he LOVED the ‘real’ tennis balls.  he would play with whatever ball was around (or any round object that could be a ball), but given the choice, he liked the ‘real’ ones and would choose those over the others.  about 4 months ago, i had been given some toys as a donation and there were a ton of balls.  these balls were made for dogs and came in all sorts of colors.  they were not the ‘real’ tennis balls, the bright yellow ones.  they are the only ones i had in my house.  trust me, i looked all over after baloo passed.  so, all i can say is that, to me, THIS is the sign i needed.  jude being right on ‘my’ spot this morning coupled with the bright yellow tennis ball hiding in the middle of the pool…i can’t find a reason to deny that baloo is here either in spirit or soul.

i do live behind some tennis courts, but they are so far away that, much to baloo’s dislike as he would hear all those balls being hit over and over and unable to get even one, they never make it over the fence.  i’m not going to completely deny that could happen but i was never lucky enough to find any in the yard for my baloo.  okay, so if that did happen for the first time in the ten years  i have lived in this house, then maybe martha brought it in to play with.  but…while i tend to be very pragmatic in my thinking, i can’t see any way she would have been able to lift the pool (with all her babies in there) and place the ball in the middle of the pool.  trust me, when i try to move the pool, it’s heavy to me, so that would surely be a feat for her to accomplish!  so, i am done looking for signs.  done trying to feel or see something that would convince me even more than the signs i was possibly interpreting to give support to the strong feelings i have about this whole situation.

in my mind, there is just no way this could be pure coincidence.  why would martha have moved only jude to ‘my’ spot so that he would be there this morning when i came in?  i am sure there could be a reason for that, but i do find it odd that she picked jude.  but…the ‘real’ tennis ball?!?!?!  there is just no way she could have done that.  it was in the middle of the pool with the babies in it.  not to mention the fact that i have tried to throw the ‘dog balls’ to her and she, like all my others, has no interest.  she won’t even bring it back to me.  i have NO idea how that ball even got there.  there are many of the brightly colored dog balls outside in my attempts to get her to fetch, but no yellow ones.  and, as i said, i got rid of all baloo’s balls.  not to mention the ball is brand new.  it still has that new smell.  and, even if the ball was from the courts, how it got to be under the baby pool that must weigh over 20 pounds with all the babies in it is an absolute mystery.  well, maybe not a mystery.  maybe it’s just baloo.

i am done looking for confirmation.  i would have still been convinced jude and baloo are joined, but as i said, some of the stories and articles i’ve read about dog reincarnation say there will be a moment when something happens that is a sign from the pet that passed.  something undeniable. i knew all the things that made me ‘think’ baloo’s spirit or soul was in jude, but the usually very pragmatic, rational, and always looking for ‘proof’ person in me admits to wondering if i was making more out of all these ‘signs’ and they might merely be conicidences.  as i said, had that been the case, i was fine with it as i do look at it as a second chance to be able to do it all over again and just let myself believe.

i sit here completely and utterly dumbfounded.  i belived, but the skeptic in me had a bit of doubt.  i have no more skepticism.  i will no longer look for ‘signs’ in jude or his behavior to support what i believe; i will no longer doubt.  whether baloo’s soul chose to enter jude or this is the one that baloo wants to be my special boy, i have no doubts.  this, coupled with everything else, tells me my baloo is with me.  either in spirit or in jude, but he is here.  i cannot express my thoughts clearly enough.  i am shocked, grateful, amazed, comforted, and have so many emotions right now.  and I also have my sign.  my heart is full and i look forward to watching jude grow and become the dog that he is becoming.  and, in true baloo fashion, knowing his mom as well as he does, on an almost visceral level, he has given me my sign that he knew i needed.  as if to tell me to stop with even that tiny shred of doubt and just accept it.  he knows how difficult that is for me to blindly believe, so i think he was telling me to just shut up and let it be.  accept what i believe.  and love this little guy with all my heart.

once again, baloo, i am amazed by you.

10 june 2013

for more about martha and the pups please go to:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/512790242114895/

it is an open group and anyone can join.

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  1. So poignant enjoy Jude love you

    Sent from my iPhone

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